I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
