you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
