party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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