i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
