ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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