all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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