i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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