he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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