Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
