i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
