remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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