I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
bring money and cleavage
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
