I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
