Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
