I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
