I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
