you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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