i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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