Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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