did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
