OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
worst night to have a conscience
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
