i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
