i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
