the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
