I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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