mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
