if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
