About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
