My nipple is on Facebook.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
