i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
