Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
