made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never joke about your clitoris.
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