If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
