im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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