Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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