i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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