I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
