Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
