One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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