haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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