they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
