well I can't set my house on fire every night
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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