i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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