this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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