he shaved USA in his pubs
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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