I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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