i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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