I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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