then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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