U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Farmville is her only friend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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