So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
