Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
