my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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