I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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